Humble Beginnings, Why Pennsylvania Sucks

If You Give Heroin To Your Kitten, You Just Might Be The Worst Person Ever.

(But, ya know… there’s Hitler so… I can’t do that math.)

REGARDLESS, FUCCKKK THAT GUY!! He also dragged it behind his car which makes me sad just thinking about it. (You, however, can read about it here.)

I feel like there's some euphemism with bats and heroin... oh well.

I feel like there’s some euphemism with bats and heroin… oh well.

Anyway, the whole thing got me thinking about why no one has been commenting on my posts and I’m like, “Hey guys, uhmm… what’s the big idea?” Maybe I have to come to your houses and make you eat your keyboards.

But no one wants that. Especially me.

Still, this whole blogging thing is confusing. I spent the entire morning trying to create a mailing list and I couldn’t figure out how to get the goddamn plugin on here. I USED TO LITERALLY WRITE WEB DESIGN SCRIPTS. How the fuck am I unable to figure this WordPress shit out?? I might do this one guy‘s skype-seminar thing. I talked to him and he seems cool.

I also need to post more.


I all honesty, I’ve been either drunk or hungover the past few days and it’s hot as shit here in Pennsylvania (where people do sick shit to cats) and I cannot escape the bees. Or the spiders. Seriously, attempting to just go out on my porch for a cig is like going into that cave from “Harry Potter and the”.. whatever it’s called, where all the giant spiders chill and Ron is like “No way, bro,” but stupid Harry Potter isn’t afraid of anything and makes him go in there? Well I’m Ron Weasley (ginger AND a pussy), and I can’t go outside.

"...spiders? Why couldn't it  be 'follow the butterflies?'"

“…spiders? Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies?'”

That’s life in PA, though. Truck-sized insects, kittens on heroin, shitty sports teams. This might as well be Florida. (No offense, Florida. It’s not you, it’s me.)

However, if anyone out there knows how to get rid of spiders and wasps (some, by the way, that are giant and purple and LIVE IN THE GROUND), please let me know. I’m very close to burning my house down to stop them, which would be bad considering I’m on the top floor of a duplex with 2 other families… so, ya know… time is of the essence here folks. :)

On the bright side, I’ll never be as bad as the guy who gave heroin to a kitten. Or Hitler.


 

UPDATE: Check out this giant web on the streetlight outside my house!!!! That’s only a bit of it!!!

image

Help me!! :(

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3 thoughts on “If You Give Heroin To Your Kitten, You Just Might Be The Worst Person Ever.

  1. Pingback: Destroying My Mother’s Home, Getting The Cats High, And Giving Myself Arsenic Poisoning All In Less Than 48 Hours. | White Girls Be Like...

  2. Spiders and wasps are terrifying. You have to get some evil terrible planet destroying wasp killer spray. And I’ll read your posts cause they are hilarity to me. Why? They just ARE!! I like your “voice.” Nice “Voice” Alanna. Also Do you love…Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (one of my favorite movies) and do you love the Big Lebowski? Y or N?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hell yes to both!! (Also, thank you so much!!) But yeah, I love those movies, like top favorites! And I appreciate the fact that you like my “voice”. I feel as though I’ve worked incredulously to develop my own “voice” and so few compliment it. I thank you deeply, as my “voice” loves to be praised. :P

      Liked by 1 person

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