(Well, some of them require other people. Use your imagination.)

In honor of Labor Day (which I totally forgot about until 2 days ago), this post is about drinking. Hopefully right now, you’re getting wasted at a neighborhood barbecue or drinking beer in front of your television (like me, because you don’t have any friends).

When I drink, I tend to stay up all night by myself after everyone else goes to bed, so I’ve developed some awesome drinking games that you can play by yourself. Also some fun ones that nobody else (as far as I know) has ever thought of. I hate most drinking games because you can only play “Purple” or “King’s Cup” so many times before you’re like, “Let’s just drink every time someone says the word ‘the’.” I personally don’t really need drinking games.

(My favorite is called “Just Drink, Pussy”.)

But people seem to like them, so I’m gonna share a couple with you. The best one, in my opinion, is a game you play by yourself when everyone else goes to bed (or you’re just really bored).

1. The Picture Game

I need to think of a better title, but here it is. You’re gonna need yourself, a camera (on a phone, computer, or otherwise) and of course, booze. I prefer using the built-in camera of my laptop because then I can make a bunch of faces and hit the “Snap Picture” button like it’s going off to war. The only real goal of this game is to amuse yourself and have recorded evidence of what you’re like while drunk. (For instance, I discovered that when I’m drinking, my sort-of-lazy eye comes out.) Here’s an example of a night a few months ago where I played the game:

Picture Drinking Game. (Click that shit. You’ll laugh, I promise)

There were literally like 100 more pictures, but I only put in these to save time. (Because I love you all.)

2. Drunk “Simon Says”

I know it doesn’t sound that awesome, but I’ve convinced enough people to play who now agree that it is. Especially if you’re “Simon”. (You can watch all your friends make themselves look like assholes, and they enjoy it.) All you need for this one is about 3 or more people. I suppose you could play with 2, but that’s lame. The best is when you’ve got a nice-sized group.

If you don’t already know the rules, one person is “Simon” and stands in front of everyone else. They use commands like “Simon says cut off your arm”, but if “Simon” doesn’t say “Simon Says…” (i.e. just “Cut off your arm”), then whoever follows the command has to drink. At the end, the last person not passed out on the floor becomes the new “Simon”.

I don’t know why these people are in their underpants.

3. Drunk “Newlywed Game”

This one is great if you’re hanging out with couples and one person is single. No longer are you the fifth wheel, singles! You should probably have at least 4 people (they don’t necessarily have to be couples, but it makes more sense), lots of paper, and pens. Also, you’ll need to come up with some questions to ask, which can either be the normal boring ones, or dirty gross/private ones. (The latter is more fun.) I would provide some examples, but you can think of your own funny questions.

4. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Drink

Self-explanatory. You lose, you drink.

So there you go. It’s a short list, but I’m not that creative. One idea I had written down for this was “Drink Till You’re Dry”, and I honestly cannot remember what that means. (I was drunk.) Anyway, have a great Labor Day everybody!!