Advice From Someone Who Should Never Give Advice, Just Your Everyday Neighborhood Nonsense, Who Is Alanna?

You Think My Beer Is Gross? Well I Think Spending $15 On A 6-Pack Is Gross.

(There are thirsty people in Africa… Talk about selfish.)

Okay, so I drink Natty Ice (or “Natural Ice” if you prefer), and yes… sometimes it does taste like liquid piss and/or shit. But not always. Sometimes it just tastes like poisoned water.

(These are the moments you cherish.)

I have chosen this particular beer in life for one very simple reason: the beer store ONE BLOCK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE sells an 18-pack of 16oz cans for only $11!!!!! How could anyone pass up that kind of deal? It even tells you on the box how many that adds up to in regular cans so you don’t have to do any math!! (Very nice touch, by the way.) Plus, Natty Ice has a 5.9% alcohol content.

(I couldn't figure out how to mirror this, so just pretend you're reading Sanskrit or whatever and read it left to right.)

(I couldn’t figure out how to mirror this, so just pretend you’re reading Sanskrit or whatever and read it right to left.)

Regardless, this is the type of purchases one must make in college when one only has one dollar in one’s bank account. Unless you’re the type of person who only drinks occasionally or can get drunk off of like 4 beers (which, by the way, I don’t believe you people are human beings, no offense), buying cheap beer is important. You need to use your hard-earned money for other things. Like textbooks, rent, or crack cocaine. (Not that last one, though. Unless you’re into that.)

But then my asshole friends come over and they’re all like, “Ew, no thanks. I’ll just go buy a $40 case of Angry Orchard” (or some such nonsense). On one hand, I’m happy that I don’t have to share my beer. But on the other, I’m kind of insulted. Like… how are you a 21-year-old earning minimum wage AND a beer snob? Granted, I’m not friends with any hipsters, but they might as well be with the shit they drink. I mean, I guess that’s cool if you wanna try out all those fancy beers, but please don’t insult my Pabst Blue Ribbon. Seriously. People do this. And I honestly believe it’s because they don’t understand life yet.

Maybe they don’t remember the days of sitting in the liquor store parking lot, pooling everyone’s change for a $15 case of Extra Gold, which would cost $20 because the over-21 person would always beat you. Maybe they forget passing around $7 bottles of Vlad or pawning their Wii to get liquor money for vacation. Maybe this type of thing only happened to people like me and my friends. But it made us who we are. And we’re better(ish) for it.

So what’s your drink? Do you spend zillions on fancy beer, or pretend the piss water isn’t so bad after all?

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23 thoughts on “You Think My Beer Is Gross? Well I Think Spending $15 On A 6-Pack Is Gross.

  1. Several super intelligent thoughts to share on this: First off, What about a sweet 40 oz or perhaps Boone’s Farm? Barf! haha. I never used to drink beer, so I had to drink stuff like Boone’s Farm or Mike’s Hard-on. Both of which are nasty, but pretty cheap. Secondly, people need to live within their means and I’m proud of you for doing so. Your friends are probably charging their alcohol up the ying yang. Our national debt is out of control, amiright? Thirdly, wait until you’re old, you can drink the fancy stuff and then you will truly appreciate it. This past weekend I had a beer that was 9% alcohol. IT was called Rasputin or something fancy like that. What’s better than that? It was like a meal but then I ate pizza anyway. Life is good.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha, exactly! I respect their longing for luxury, but I’ll wait until I have an actual job to afford nice drinks. (Side note: Rasputin was the guy that supposedly killed the Romanov’s or Anastasia…right? I’m not positive but I do kinda remember the Disney movie.)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi! Thanks for checking out my blog.
    I too remember being in college and having to drink the cheap shit. My favorite was Barton’s vodka. It burned my throat like sulfuric acid but it was all I could afford.
    Don’t worry. One day you’ll be one of those douches drinking Angry Orchard. All I buy now is the expensive stuff to make up for lost time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Haha, yes, I can’t wait for the days when my fridge is filled with fancy beer and I can actually have a liquor cabinet instead of buying a fifth to kill in one night. Someday… :)

      Like

    • That probably counts. My one friend has been drinking it because it’s sort of popular right now and he’s that kind of guy, but it’s actually really good. I particularly liked the strawberry kiwi kind flavor. Pretty decent.

      Like

  3. I drink seldom and well. But I don’t know why anyone else would care what you spend your money on. I happen to enjoy those cheap vanilla and chocolate sandwich cookies from the local grocer. They’re half the price and twice as many as a package of Oreos. If people care, I should think they need more of a life, hm?
    Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I remember in college buying Coors Light because of how cheap it was! Just shotgun in the showers, afterwards you won’t know the difference. We would have a 30-pack for $20 and it would last two weekends. Pretty sweet deal :) Now that I’m in the working world, I can’t stomach more than a couple of beers now, unless it’s been a truly awful day.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yea, I went through my drink-what-everyone-says-I-should-drink-even-if-it-costs-too-much. And you know what? It really wasn’t any better 9 times out of 10. You get to an age, perhaps you’re there already, where you just drink what you want and could give a crap what people think. I’ve ordered a Shirley Temple at a table full of grown-ups, you know why? Because they taste GOOD! Used to do Corona with lime but then I found Bud Light Lime where they put fake lime in there for ya already. Steps saved! Tastes the same.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. LOL!!!! So many things I can’t name them all….”those are the moments you cherish”! Yes!! OMG I LMAO the entire way through. Maybe because I am from WV but this rang so true to me.
    To this day I am a Bud Light girl, and peeps roll their eyes at me. I am like back off my Bud..and take your damn umbrella out of your beer, that is for a beach not a brew.
    So, love this. Girl, you are funny as hell. Get yourself on a stage somewhere. Oh, but keep writing, too. haha…you make me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey, you got it together, girl! Of course, I drink the expensive stuff, but I am old enough to care more about having a very few, really nice beers than a lot of something I don’t like. I live four miles from the Coors Brewery in Golden Colorado, and I wouldn’t drink there beer if you paid me – – – but hey, you do what you like, and I bow down to your funny, funny post! ;-) Now, gonna go pull a Guinness Black Lager and top it off with a Bass Ale . . . cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, that’s awesome! Of course, the goal is one day to be able to afford good stuff (I live right by the Yuengling place), but I’m still lame enough that I can’t even handle Guinness!! Lol, I wish I could but one time I drank a Yuengling Black & Tan and I couldn’t even eat dinner :P And thanks for the read! I’m always happy to hear a compliment about the humor! lol :)

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Did you know that Pabst was just bought by a Russian company? I don’t really have a problem with that because I’m not all ‘America is best because we make the biggest cars’ or whatever. I’ll still drink it. It’s good with a slice of lemon. Classy. :D

    Liked by 1 person

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