Just Your Everyday Neighborhood Nonsense, People From My Past, Who Is Alanna?

Stumbling Upon your Ex’s Baby Registry. And Other Things That Make You Vomit.

(She’s got leggings on there. And a whole stupid Pinterest board with cute ideas. Fucking bitch…)

I’m pretty sure I’ve only really been in love once. Depending on how you define it, I believe real love is being able to put someone else’s needs before your own. That’s how I know I’ve only felt that for one person. It sounds terribly selfish, but I feel like I’ll never want to fold a person’s t-shirts (store-style) ever again. Or wake up at 4:00am to drive someone to work when they stupidly lost their driver’s license.

It’s actually really weird to care about another person that hard. (I can barely do my own laundry.)

You just have to be honest about certain things.

You just have to be honest about certain things.

Like, how else would I have known that my ex’s child is due to be born in February? Or that his new girlfriend is planning to breastfeed? These are crucial pieces of knowledge, people. It’s as easy as “One, two, type that bitch’s name into Google.”

But lucky for me, I’ve “gone through” enough men to calm the crippling roar of my feelings into a faint growl. I’m pretty sure I’m over him. However, being over someone and wanting to know what they’re doing are not mutually exclusive. I still even creep on my middle/high school crush sometimes. (He seems happy, too… jerk.)

However, I can sufficiently say I am over my ex. I can wish him luck honestly and look back fondly on our time together with no regrets. We really did have fun together. :)

(My ex and I)

(My ex and I, always keeping it weird.)

Granted, I’ll never feel totally comfortable seeing him or his family and I’ll probably (subconsciously) hate the tiny life form he produced. I’ll never shop at Five Below because I know I’ll see his baby mamma there. But… hold up

Good Lord, there’s ANOTHER parade going down my street. It must be the local high school’s homecoming because there’s girls with crowns sitting on the back of convertibles (which, by the way, never seemed terribly safe to me). I didn’t go to my homecoming. (Too hungover.) I forgot how loud this shit is, though. Drumlines are no joke.

Anyways, in the spirit of letting go things from my past, I say “Bon Voyage” to all. I wish everyone all the best. I may even buy something off the registry for Zach and his upcoming child. Perhaps some tiny hats?

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15 thoughts on “Stumbling Upon your Ex’s Baby Registry. And Other Things That Make You Vomit.

  1. Man, baby leggings are so impractical. Everybody knows you register for the boring stuff, because people choose to give you the cute on their own. But the boring practical is what you need. And Pinterest boards are going to do next to shit changing that thing, it’s a baby not a doll, not home décor. Count your stars that’s not you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know right? I’m always grateful for not being in that situation. I can barely take care of myself lol. And yes, baby leggings are extremely impractical. You’re gonna be changing diapers ten million times a day so what’s the point? :P

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think your cyber stalking is healthy. I mean, if you are worried that you are an alcoholic, it is better to choose to drink occasionally than it is to swear off booze altogether. Total abstinence sends the message that you don’t trust yourself enough to control your behavior if you’re around alcohol.

    Occasionally visiting social media sites proves you have moved on and can handle reality, even if it doesn’t feel great. See what I mean? Healthy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Definitely. It’s just the memories we miss, but it’s really a distorted reality. I’m happy with what I’ve got.
      But I’m not worried about my drinking, I’ve actually been laying off lately because of school and being busy. I can handle myself fine. Appreciate the concern though :)

      Like

  3. Hahahahaha. Well, I do think baby leggings are cute. This is Chanel. I stalk. I stalk and cry. Then plot revenge. I have no shame in saying this, as I tend to attract stalkers and psychos. I stalk in a I need to see you and cry sort of way. This was sooo funny because honestly everyone stalks. It is in the wayyy you stalk that matters. I was actually just getting ready to write a non-love letter post when I saw this in the reader. Please do not be alarmed if I do. Everything is venting :) You are so hysterical it actually took me out of my horribly wounded mood. Thank you for the next five minutes. <3 -Chanel

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: “Bloody Mary, Full Of Vodka, Blessed Are You Among Cocktails. Pray For Me Now At The Hour Of My Death, Which I Hope Is Soon. Amen.” | White Girls Be Like...

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