(I know you’re all just dying to see who won the “Guest Post Contest”, but you’ll have to scroll down for that. Also, if you stay around long enough to read this post, there’s another giveaway to be had. Stay tuned…)
Hellooo and welcome to the first annual (or rather, weekly) Funny Blog Friday!!! Hashtag “FBF”. Hashtag “badass”. Hashtag “laugh your hash off”. This Blog Hop consists of pretty much the greatest people on earth. You should all go visit their blogs because they’re amazing and that’s kind of the whole point of this.
And to make you laugh.
And they’re giving away prizes, too. Get it while it’s hot, y’all.
Funny Bloggers:
Victoria of Angst Anarchy
Jamie of Fits of Wit
H.E. Ellis of H.E. Ellis
Jessie of Jessie Reyna & Jessie Janelle Reyna
Alice of Alice at Wonderland
Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog
Jenn of Properly Ridiculous
Lisa of Buddhaful Britt
JC of JCS Bloggery
Sarah of No Cry Babies
Elke of The Pretty Platform
Jack of The Things I see Up Here
Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks
Charly of Crazy Life
Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe
Karilin of That Nameless Color
Arthur from Pouring My Art Out
Go to these people’s blogs, do what they tell you to do (they’re calling from inside the house), and get free shit because this is America (depending where you’re standing) and in this country we give people prizes for existing. Seriously, it’s not that hard. In fact, I have yet another giveaway today for anyone who follows the rules on this link:
I’M GIVING AWAY MORE GIFT CARDS SO CLICK THIS RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and by the way…
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, MOTHA FUCKAASS!!!
Aren’t you hyped? Because if not, you should be. Halloween is awesome; candy, costumes, dickheaded teenagers running around in black hoodies and making fun of us for being adults… I love this holiday. Also, I might be in my local paper in the coming days because last night was Trick-or-Treat night in my town and some reporter took some pictures of me in my all-out Bride of Frankenstein gear.
Or he may have just been a pervert. Either way, I’m calling it a win.



I don’t know how many of you are 6 feet tall and above, but fun fact: it fucking rocks. You totally get to tower over everybody and feel like an Amazon queen. (Or Amazon king if you’re a guy… but perhaps not because I’m not sure Amazonian kings existed. But then I always wonder what happened to baby boys born to Amazon women. Do they just do that Spartan thing where they’d throw them off a cliff? Or do they get sent away to Amazonian boarding school because nobody in Amazon-Land wants to raise a male? Also, who impregnates these women? Is there a tribe of super-men who come around every year to bust a nut in some tall warrior ladies? So many questions…)
Anyways, I digress. Another fun fact: without my wig, I totally look like the Joker. Imagine all this makeup with bright red hair.

It was really fun putting all this crap on my face and especially drawing the scars. I used those cheap Party City costume makeup crayons and it still stinks like wax up in this place. Some little kids didn’t wanna come up to my porch because they were scared of me. But that’s okay because apparently, parents don’t teach their children to say “Thank you” anymore so kids just give me a “Fuck-You-Where’s-My-Candy”-stare and hold out their tiny little hands. Then I’m expected to compliment their shitty costumes, give them candy, and tell them they’re cute and to have a “Happy Halloween” just because I’m an adult?!? Well, fuck that noise. Your kids can get razor-blade chocolate for all I care. I don’t give people compliments unless I truly mean them and, quite frankly, their costumes are lame. I wasn’t even drinking last night (at least not a lot), and I still managed to smile at tiny jerkoffs who thought that I was a witch or Morticia Addams. Just because the real Bride of Frankenstein wig was too small for my gangster-size head (that’s an “8” in fitted caps for those of you who don’t know) and I had to reappropriate an Amy Winehouse wig (which I did fantastically), doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be stupid. I will say that wigs are incredibly fun, however.
(I secretly wanna go around wearing different colored wigs, pretending to be someone else. People will be like, “Alanna? Is that you?” and I’ll reply, “I have no idea who you’re talking about, my name is Avada Cadabra. Good day.” And just walk off into the sunset.)
Oh, by the way, why did nobody tell me there are zillions of makeup tutorial videos on YouTube??! All this time, I’m walking around looking like a person who taught herself how to apply makeup (which I did), practically looking like Janis Joplin, wondering why all these other girls came to class or the store or the fucking laundromat with professional-looking makeup. All these years feeling bad about myself for not looking like the girls on PLL when in fact it’s really super easy and all you have to do is watch some random girl put on makeup while she videotapes herself!!!
I blame you all for my ignorance.
But I forgive you because now it’s time to announce the winner of my “Guest Post Competition”…
(Hello, drumroll?)
(Also, this isn’t the winner of the other giveaway, just the one you should know about if you’ve been reading my blog the past week.)
…
…..
..
.
(Pissed yet?)
…
.
Well, let me preface this by saying that it was really difficult to pick a winner because everyone’s posts were excellent and funny and different. I thought about giving out more gift cards on multiple occasions, but unfortunately, I’m not rich like that. I’m sorry to those of you who submitted but didn’t win. Remember you can still win a gift card by doing today’s giveaway. You’re all still amazing, but just like the Highlander, there can only be one.
The only problem is that (unlike today’s contest), I chose the winner myself and of course personal biases came into play. I tried to make a pro’s and con’s list. Without divulging what are “pro’s” and what are “con’s”, my lists included such gems as “‘Billy Madison’ reference”, or “My personal opinion possibly skewed by obvious attraction to writer”, or “Poop jokes :)”.
So, basically, after long and careful deliberation, Underdaddy is the winner with his post entitled “Tampon Anonymous“.
Congratulations!
Please be sure to read and visit the blogs of everyone who posted (there’s only 10 so it’s not that hard), and give them your love. They all deserve it for being awesome and as far as I’m concerned, they’re all on my list of funny people. They totally deserve some snaps.
For anyone else who wants to win stuff too, comment here and you’ll be automatically in the running for another $25 gift certificate to the place of your choosing (at least from this list). So comment, people!! And visit the folks for “Funny Blog Friday”!! Happy Halloween, everybody!! And have a very funny Friday! :)
Great fun! Thanks for including me. 🎃👻😳
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Of course! Thanks for your submission! :)
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Thanks for the props!! Sorry about the laundry. I had a flat tire. Probably.
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Thank YOU for your hilarious contributions. I understand though about not driving from Florida to here. You’re probably busy wrestling alligators and swamp things. Also old people. :P
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I love those shoes!!! If I wore them I’d be 5’3″ tall. Now onto Tampon Anonymous, probably the best titled post ever.
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Lol so you’re normally 4’11”?
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Yes, I am 4’11” tall. If I were one inch shorter I would qualify for a handicap sign for my car.
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You’re so luckyyy!! Being tall is the worst! Every man I meet tries to pretend he’s about my size, but secretly gets all weird about my height. Plus, no one ever picks me up which is really poop. :/
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My best friend is 5’10” and I have always been jealous of her. I’d love just once for someone to refer to me as “leggy.”
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It’s all fun and games until you’re taller than your dad lol
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And the reason I clicked LIKE is because we belong in the same little club ;)
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I’m 5’1″ and have given birth to two Amazon chilluns. My 17 yr old is 5’10” and my 15 yr old is 5’8″. 17 wore 5″ heels to homecoming and literally towered over my tiny ass. If I wore your heels, I’d still be the house shawty.
By the way, Eric (Opticynicism) sent me over. Forced me, actually, under the guise of winning stuff. But I read and I’m staying!
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Haha yay! :) Thank Eric for me, I always appreciate a nod. But yeah my mom is 5’2″, my dad claims to be 5’10” but he’s really 5’7″ and I’m 5’8″. I don’t know if we’re mutants or evolution just wants more basketball players lol
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High five for 5’8″! Tho, other than my mom I’m the shorty in my family.
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Sorry Teri, I hope the bruises heal soon. I didn’t mean to twist that hard. ;-)
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Those shoes totally ROCK!!! I’m only 5’4 but I have a TALL personality. Hahaha. Yup, that’s what I tell everyone. It’s the excuse I give for being bitchy. I’m internally TALL.
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Hahaha it’s all about the attitude! I am a slumper trying to be shorter by any means necessary, but it definitely can be cool feeling that tall occasionally. Last night I got to stand next to my male friends and feel slightly on their level lol
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Hello my new friend! Thank you so much for including me in your awesome, funny blog. I knew you were a kindred spirit when you called someone a “poop-version of me”. Can I steal that line? Thanks in advance…
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Anytime girl! :)
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More bloggers to read and make myself feel inferior! Yay!
Haha, seriously though this is funny stuff, thanks for cheering up my otherwise tedious workday =)
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Haha, thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :)
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I think my favorite part was “teenagers making fun of us for being adults.” This is so true. Why are teenagers so mean? I mean you were a teen not that long ago and look how they run around like asshats being all mean and shit. Jerks. hahaha.
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Hahaha, absolutely. Personally, I was always afraid of people older than me, even if they were in the next grade level up, so I don’t actually understand the cruelty of adolescence. But every time I see a teenager, I’m reminded of Tina Fey saying, “Youths!” and running away (which I totally did last night). I left Alessandro completely in the lurch to face the teenagers, but I don’t feel bad because they say mean stuff. Especially if you’re dressed up in any way. Like I’m a weirdo for wanting to dress up to hand out candy and entertain the kids?! THEY’RE weirdos for walking down the street in groups and being judgemental…
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Thanks you so much and I am looking forward to reading the other bloggers, sometimes the humor posts are hard to find! I work best under darkness so I will have to follow up tonight. Good idea to get people connected.
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No problem, thanks for your contribution and congrats on the win!!
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This is an awesome post… hey, I hate to bother you, but I sort of came in late to this Funny Friday thing… it would be awesome if you would add my link to the list…
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Sure! Just visit http://angstanarchy.com/ and tell her about it. She’s sort of the ringleader here
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She knows all about it… but you published the list before I was added, I guess. She can’t come to your blog and add me, but you can edit the poste and just paste my link. I am so sorry for the trouble
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No problem at all! I’ll do it right now :)
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Thanks so much!
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http://pouringmyartout.com/ … just sayin’… thanks…
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Tampon Anonymous is really funny. My husband always refers to my “favorite” brand of tampons. Like it’s a flavor of ice cream that I’m just crazy all about.
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Hahaha, that’s hilarious, as though we welcome it. At least he knows what to get you though! My boyfriend doesn’t understand the concept which is another reason why I thought “Tampon Anonymous” also had some great ideas :P
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It’s a rare man who gets it. I can’t remember where I read about this dad and daughter story. Dad didn’t know what to do about her first period so he bought up EVERYTHING. Ready for the blood apocalypse.
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Love your blog, your honesty, and those shoes are to die for!!! You look so awesome as the bride of Frankenstein. Thank you for all the blogger links. I need to find some funny in my day. 😃
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Thanks so much <3
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You’rw welcome, you were rocking that costume. 😃💃
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Gracias :)
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I’ll be rocking Bat girl tonight. 😃🎉
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Love your costume! I never dress up anymore – well except that naught nun costume but . . . wait, tmi. I am pleased with your choice of post – anything with tampons is bound to be a winner. Speaking of, sometime I’ll have to show you a post I did with a friend on a retro ad about tampons. We basically just riffed it and had a load of fun.
If I could dress up, I’d totally be Maleficent. Not the Angelina Jolie one, the REAL one who is evil because she can be.
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Ahh I totally agree! I actually dressed up like the evil queen from Snow White for a couple years as a kid. But I’ll definitely have to check out that post sometime, link it whenever you can :)
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Thank you for doing the contest! It’s pretty unique from what I’ve seen around the blogging sphere.
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So whooooooooo wins??????
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Thanks for the chance at the giveaway!
andysavi.mom@gmail.com
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I Just Wanna Be Your Dog! http://tobedamit.com/2014/10/09/a-shaded-view-on-fashionnow-i-wanna-be-your-dogsweet-16-iggy-pop/
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If I would have seen it before I would have participated but I didn’t. BUT I still think it was a very kool idea!!!! Congrats to the winning Tampon!! That was a bloody kool post!
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Congratulations to the winner! I’ll go and read everyone’s submission, for sure, just to see if we have similar personal biases ;)
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I love this!
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Thanks!! :)
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