(Seriously. Go Google it right now. I’m all over those search results.)

Google Analytics is a nifty little service. It’s like Facebook stalking for my own blog, but I don’t know who I’m stalking. All I know is that as far as the internet is concerned… I am “bullshit”. (“Bullshit” being spelled many different ways, however. You people need to learn how to spell. Although I admire your creativity. Never stop being you.)

At least I know if I ever write a book, my opening line can be “Call me Bullshit.” Because that is my name, my life, and apparently my writing.

This is an example of just SOME of the search terms that lead you to me. I made this in paint. Don’t judge me.

A lot of the search terms contained “tumblr” and “quotes” and obviously “bullshit”, but there were certain ones that stood out as hilarious, awesome, or just plain confusing that I’d like to share now (in no particular order). (There was more but we’d be here all day.)

Drinking games you can play alone (Obviously. I wrote an entire post on this.)
Catholic crushing guilt (Again.)
My parents are terrible people
Alcohol for white girls (Uhmm… okay, try “everything”?)
I’m an asshole (Hahaha.)
Shark week Halloween
I’m coming for you (People are scary.)
Before all else be armed
Is the pope Catholic? (I thought we established this.)
I like you but you be on that bullshit (This might be my fave.)
Pumpkin mustache
Life sucks (I’m sorry.)
I need a new heart
Rambo you just don’t turn it off
My boyfriend sucks
Watch the fuck out
Fuck you asshole
Hey hey my my (Somebody was probably searching for Neil Young.)
Coors Light has cocaine in it (WTF?! You people are crazy.)
Common white girl tweets
My best friend has replaced me
It’s my birthday buy me a beer
Things to make you vomit
Eating tacos
Stupid white girls
I fuck therefore I am (You can’t argue with that philosophy.)
Girls taking all their clothes off (…wow.)
Grave of Frank Sinatra
Eddie Munster
Statutory care (I don’t know what this is.)
Loves comedy
Can of bullshit
George Carlin in Hell (You don’t know that for sure.)
I want you Bill Murray (Same.)
Why Pennsylvania sucks (I totally explain this all the time.)
Homemade girls gone wild (Confusing because do they mean “homemade girls”?)
Fuck it I’m out
How to get away with murder
Tisk tisk
Haven’t showered in 2 days (Truuee.)
I need to be fucked
I love Alanna (How sweet! Also, I found this website: ilovealanna.com)
How do I know if I’m iron deficient
Wasted people
Oh this is bullshit peeps
Real parking tickets
You have failed this city (Am I the Batman? I don’t know how this happened.)
If you mustache it’s my birthday (Lol K?)
I rule the world
Quotes for trying times (I like how this is worded haha.)
Dalek pumpkin
Everybody get in here
I am incompetent
Ice bucket challenge boner
I don’t wanna go back to college
Beware of girls
I feel like the worst person in the world (Well I might be considering this list.)
How many people can do it like me (I don’t know, excellent question.)
I want you inside me
Rape sloth (Bahaha WHAT?)
Penis (Nuff said.)
Professional pervert
Religion makes you stupid
Black girls wanna cracker
Stupid girls be like
Arsenic poisoning
You think you’re the pope (How so?)
Sleeping in class like a boss
I’m watching you (…)
I’m a bitch
Hey google when is my birthday (How don’t you know?)
Fuck redhead gif (Gross.)
Fuck my white ass (Gross the sequel.)
Evil ryu pictures (What is “ryu”?)

So, people of the interweb, thank you again for making me laugh. If you have any idea what some of these mean, please let me know, gracias.