All I Want For Christmas Is To Get Crunk.

(Remember when people used to say “crunk”? I think it was a mix between “chronic” and “drunk”. I prefer the term “drigh”. You do the math.)

Ahh, that takes me back…

Anyways, I’m always a little late with Christmas presents. I never know what to get my family because my mom goes shopping every single day and my step dad never speaks to me. Alessandro just says, “You,” when I ask him what he wants. (Plus or minus some dirty stuff.)

But me?

I always know what the fuck I want.

Sometimes my list sounds like the lyrics to a Christmas hip-hop song, but regardless… it’s better to know what kind of liquor someone wants under the tree instead of having to guess. Speaking of which, I finally put up my tree:

I have so many Barbie ornaments, I can't even count them. At least not if I don't feel like it.
I have so many Barbie ornaments, I can’t even count them. At least not if I don’t feel like it.

(Side note: I’m currently listening to Wham’s “Last Christmas” and dancing with my head because, honestly, how can you not?)

My REAL Christmas list might be unorthodox but here it is…

Alanna’s Christmas List:

1. To be 19 again.

(Because why wouldn’t you?)

2. Really good cocaine.

Don’t judge me. I don’t live in Florida so it’s hard to get and Philadelphians screw you on it. I’d settle for lots of adderall, though.

3. To hang out with my great aunt Lil one last time and share a glass of her world-famous egg nog.

She made it with pretty much every alcohol ever created. You'd be wasted after one glass.
She made it with pretty much every alcohol ever created. You’d be wasted after one glass.

She died a couple years ago, but lived a fantastic life up until the day before she turned 98. The most badass person I’ve ever encountered.

4. To see Led Zeppelin perform live in concert.

(Don’t even get me started on Robert Plant’s unwillingness to sign a fucking contract. WHO TURNS DOWN $800 MILLION DOLLARS?!?!?!??!?!??!?!)

5. $1,000,000

6. To hang out with my best friends.

We're all high.
We’re all high.

I miss my dawgs.

But that’s about it. I could deal with more or less, but the essentials are there. Although the Dirty Boyz know what’s good when it comes to Christmas lists…

“Dear Santa I’ve been very good this year
can you make them two felonies on my record disappear
All I want for Christmas is peace in the ‘hood
And an old-school-candy-painted Cadillac Fleetwood”

Merry Christmas to all my ho-ho-ho’s!

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White Girls Be Like

Hey there, I'm Alanna. I can't give you my last name for legal reasons, but you probably won't pronounce it right anyway. This is a blog about various occurrences in my life and also some of my thoughts and feelings about things, otherwise known as "what white girls be like". It's true. We be like... "Cats, Lana del Rey, Coors Light, and Twitter". If you disagree, please comment and tell me to shut up. Otherwise, enjoy! :)

12 thoughts on “All I Want For Christmas Is To Get Crunk.”

        1. I’m with you on the old school stuff. My heyday was the early 2000’s so anything back when Ashanti was still around, JLo was still “from the block”, and Eminem was still wasted out of his mind warms my heart

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I realized that all my ornaments are girly so Alessandro and I are trying to start a couple’s collection of ornaments. He keeps hinting at ones he made as a child so I’m probably gonna have to call his mom and ask for macaroni picture frames and construction paper stockings lol

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  1. Crunk still cracks me up, even though if I combined those 2 things within my body it would mutiny with vomit, the word is still funny. Like turnt-up. It sounds hilar when white people say it. Aunt Lil looks like a blast! And that eggnog sounds delish.
    I freaking love your list. I hear coke is even harder to come by in California, where they can only get nasty crank, which is like snorting powder bathroom cleaner. I mean, uh, so I’ve heard. Allegedly. And whatnot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, yeah I’ve never spoken the words “turnt-up” unless quoting someone, especially since I still don’t fully understand its meaning.
      But thanks :) I put the list together real fast so it could be better, but the stuff is truly what I want. (Except the coke. I don’t actually want cocaine, but I figured it was funny.) That’s crazy about California though. You’d think their proximity to Mexico and all that would make it more readily available.

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  2. I want to see Led Zep in concert too. I’m kind of in love with them, but not in a boy band teeny-bopper kind of way. I want them to sing me Kashmir, Fool in the Rain, Ramble On, Over the Hills and Far Away. Mr. VS has all the records, it’s pretty sweet. Except last night he was dancing to Mister Mister when I came home. Now that’s wrong. I feel a blog post coming on…

    Liked by 1 person

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