(I was supposed to post this earlier this morning but I died yesterday around 2:00am and finally had to kick my ass out of bed. Because that’s how much I care.)
I might be dead right now. I’m not completely sure.
I decided to make Long Island Iced Teas on New Year’s Eve, but with really cheap alcohol and barely any Coke. (Also I forgot the Triple Sec, but in all honesty, I have no clue what that is anyway.)
One thing that really pissed me off though was that stupid bottle of 1800 tequila. It has a cork-thing as a top and after struggling with it for about 200 years, it popped open and covered me in stinky fucking tequila. I almost barfed right there because I forgot how that is the smell of being disgustingly hungover.
Originally, I’d bought all this alcohol for a group of friends to have over that night. I spent all day meticulously cleaning my apartment (I found so much stuff Alessandro and I lost over the past 8 months, it was scary), and busting my ass to make nice food and bullshit, but of course my friends are total dicks and didn’t come.
Too afraid of D.U.I.’s or whatever… bitches.
Anyways, I thought about how I never really make New Year’s resolutions but if I’m going to start, they’re gonna be things that I TRULY wanna do so that I actually do them. None of this “lose weight, volunteer, stop beating your wife” bullshit. Real resolutions.
My 2015 Resolutions:
1. “Kill people, burn shit, fuck school.”
Cause that’s what Tyler the Creator says and, frankly, I have to agree.
2. Start smoking everywhere I want, no matter how inappropriate or not-allowed.
For example, the children’s ward at the hospital, church, maybe even in a bar.
3. Take Eminem’s advice on EVERYTHING.
(But like 2000-era Eminem. Not him today. He went soft.)
4. Live every day like it’s the first 30 minutes of “Intervention”.
Before they actually give the intervention.
5. See how long I can go without taking a shower.
My current record is like 5 days. You’d be amazed how little others notice about your hygeine.
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