(Not much has changed. I might actually be less funny and relevant now. But I’m older, so ya know… silver linings.)
Two years ago today (well, technically it was August 2nd but let’s not bust balls), I wrong my first blog post for this dumb little site all because my dad said that I wouldn’t follow through with it. So much beauty sprung from spite.
It’s like a poem.
My first post was pretty bad. I rambled on for multiple paragraphs about lion terrorists and how I peed myself in my car and looking back, I have to wonder what the hell was I thinking? That girl sounded like she was on drugs and honestly she probably was.
I’ve been reading through my old posts and there are some creepy coincidences happening with events from this time in 2014 mirroring events now. For instance, just a couple days ago I stepped on ANOTHER nail and it went through the SAME FLIP FLOPS!!!! And the ex boyfriend who got his girlfriend pregnant literally 2 years ago is back with that girl and she’s pregnant AGAIN!!! (Not with his baby, but that’s none of my business…) Then there’s the whole Ice Bucket Challenge thing which nobody talked about since summer of 2014 and suddenly it’s back in the news again because it worked. I wrote a post concerning my advice and general thoughts on college 2 years ago and wrote another advice article for college kids called “A Letter To My Freshman Self” just this past week!!!
Anyways, as I’ve looked over the vast empire of bullshit I’ve built these past two years, I’ve noticed that you all seem to really like reading about the stupid stuff I get into when I get drunk and sad, so you’re all basically reveling in my sorrows and addictions. Shame. On. You. I wag my finger in your general direction. You also have a deep interest in drinking games you can play by yourself which tells me two things: 1) I need to write another post with new and improved solo-drinking games, and 2) A lot of you must be drinking alone or at least enough that it might be a problem so I understand the need to commiserate.
Another thing I used to do a lot is list a few choice search terms that led people to my blog, and no matter how long I write on the internet, I’ll never get used to the crazy, funny, and mostly disgusting phrases typed into search engines. (I clearly use the word “bitch” waayyy too much so the blame is partly on me.) Now without further ado, here’s some search terms that somehow brought you here in 2016 so far:
1. solo drinking games; drinking games to play alone; drinking games to play by yourself; one person drinking games (You see what I mean?)
2. do i go banging on peoples doors asking for them to suck my penis america?
3. your pussy aint worth the fames you playing (I don’t understand what it’s saying, but somehow my feelings still hurt.)
4. teens kitten twitter (I realize this seems harmless, but I don’t trust it.)
5. fuck yall all i need is jesus
6. officially bullshit (Refer to my “Bullshit” post.)
7. i just love my all fucking haters
8. twitter typical white girl funny scary video of phone ringing in bed (…What??)
9. what does the expression mean when they say i’m not always a bitch just kidding go fuck yourself (This should be self-explanatory, I’m disappointed in whoever wrote this.)
10. dee you bitch (Lol, an “Always Sunny” reference never fails to warm my heart.)
11. guess who’s not going back to high school (Frenchie? But seriously, take that guy’s advice: “Turn in your teasing comb and go back to high school.”)
12. bitch am not into you (…Whatever, I’m not into you either. Mean.)
So there you go. Two years of bullshit and not much has changed. Keep an eye out for my next drinking game post because I might do another giveaway with money and giftcards and perhaps a featured blogger contest.
Thanks again for being a part of the nonsense with me all this time. Come for the pumpkin spice, stay for the unadulterated crazy.
Later taters! ;)