Jessie and I once again discuss the madness that is Pretty Little Liars and hate on the writers. (Really. Like, why even bother telling us who “A” is if you’re just gonna take a dump on us?)
Jessie and I discuss the complex nature of “Pretty Little Liars”. Check it out and chime in, even if you’ve never seen it. Everyone’s opinions are important here.
(Sometimes I feel like my whole life is about bacon. And I’m quite often correct in that feeling. That’s why you’re reading this right now. “Bacon” was my fault.)
If you’ve seen the buzz around here or read my last reblogged post, you already know about the experiment by the lovely and talented Jessie Janelle Reyna and her noun experiment. Today’s noun is “bacon”. Brought to you by the letter “B”.
I grew up with parents who ate extremely healthily(ish) so we never had bacon in the house.
(Unless it was Canadian bacon. Which bothered me. No offense, Canada. It’s just that your bacon kinda sucks.)
So now that I’m a “grownup”, I have bacon all the time. But contrary to popular belief, there can be such a thing as too much bacon, and I’m living it. My boyfriend (Alessandro) shares many commonalities with Ron Swanson: the mustache, the stubborn nonsense, and a love for bacon that rivals his love for me.
Bacon is in pretty much everything I eat because Alessandro uses bacon and bacon fat like other people use oil or salt. The other day I came into the kitchen and frying in the pan was the largest piece of bacon I’ve ever seen. About a foot long, 4 inches thick and 4 inches deep. (I should’ve taken a picture.)
My house is like this:
It’s scary. And often smells. It’s gotten to the point where I get nauseous if I smell pork cooking.
But that doesn’t matter. Because bacon is like crack so I eat it anyway.
Well, that’s all for me. Check out the crew of “Turn Noun For What?!” and read more about bacon and stuff.
(Also, here’s something fun for you all):
(A complex man with complex thoughts and a sage-like wisdom, Kenneth Powers provides laughter to all and guidance to many.)
If you haven’t already seen one of the greatest television programs known to man, a.k.a. “Eastbound & Down“, you should stop what you’re doing immediately and run to your nearest HBO provider.
For those of you who don’t know the story, it’s about a dude who became a huge baseball star after high school and then pissed his success away with drugs, ladies, and alcohol. “Several shitty years later”, he returns to his hometown, down on his luck.
“But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my ass ain’t no pussy. My ass is a fucking champion.“
Through his life and his audio book, Kenny Powers shows us how to live…
1. Confidence is key.
“Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.”
2. Race is just a label.
“Honestly, I can’t even believe that you would look at me and the word ‘gringo’ would even come to mind. Does it make your life easier just to throw a quick racist term at somebody? A man who has seen the things I have seen, experienced the loss and pain that I’ve experienced. I transcend race, hombre.”
3. Work hard, play harder.
4. The Yukon Denali XL is man’s greatest vehicular achievement.
“I got the glory. I get the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, fucking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg. Basically, all the shit that most men fantasize about.”
(Also, it’s my dream car. If this writing thing ever goes anywhere, I’m getting one.)
5. Take a break from technology and live your life.
6. Making money is important.
“The amount of money I’m gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’m going to be doing every, single night. Dollar, dollar bills, y’all.”
7. You don’t have to be a Crossfit/P90x/gym-rat.
(I think this is even a meme now.)
8. Examine your weaknesses as well as your strengths.
“In Mexico, a man can truly get lost. And, if you’re a bank robber, or maybe someone who’s committed a fucked up, crazy crime, then that’s a good thing. But hiding takes it’s toll. At first you don’t realize it but, soon the identity that you tried to shed starts getting pissed and knocking at your insides. You know, when dealing with deep depression and sad shit, it’s cool to pretend like nothing is wrong. That, sometimes, works. But, eventually, you got to call a goddamn spade a spade and be like , ‘Yo, I’m fucked up and I got to make a change.'”
9. People will be dicks, but you don’t have to like everybody.
“You don’t like me? Well you’re the one with a fucking disability. It should be me not liking you, and yet I accept you. And you do this to me? Man, fuck you, you midget. I’m taking the fucking cocks.”
10. Things eventually get better.
“Chapter 10: Making the world your bitch. Once again, I’m with the hottest chick in town, buying the most expensive fashions, dining in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddam jet-skis, raining trim, hallucinogens, jet-skis again, throwing heat and getting laid. Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?”
There you have it. The wisdom of Kenny Powers. All of us could stand to take a lesson from this great man.