Back in June, Alanna from White Girls Be Like… and I discussed the unrealistic storyline of Pretty Little Liars. As we prepared for the summer premier, or as they called it, the “Summer of Answers”, we were excited to see how this whole Charles DiLaurentis debacle panned out. Well folks…it’s been exactly one week since we found out who this “A” is, and we are still scratching our heads. What’s new, right?
To some of you, this may not be a big deal. Finding out who “A” is. I’ll tell you why it’s a big deal for us. First of all, I remember seeing the previews for the up and coming show Pretty Little Liars back in 2010. I thought it looked stupid. Given the title, which is a horrible title, it just looked like a bunch of little assholes who lie and manipulate each other. Which is true…
***Contains Spoilers. If you don’t give a hoot, then go ahead and keep reading.
Alanna and I started discussing Pretty Little Liars. Since the new Season 6 premiers tonight, we thought we’d get in the PLL spirit. It’s rare to come across a fellow specimen who enjoys Pretty Little Liars every Tuesday night. As much as we love the show, its intensity and mystery behind every episode, we also can’t help but make fun of it. Of course, this isn’t a show that someone can just relate to. A group of high school girls being stalked by an unknown masked human being dressed in all black who manipulate, control, and harass them on a daily basis following the murder of their best friend. It’s not everyday a story like this is on national news. I don’t doubt that something like this could happen. I mean, come on. We have wifi…
(Sometimes I feel like my whole life is about bacon. And I’m quite often correct in that feeling. That’s why you’re reading this right now. “Bacon” was my fault.)
If you’ve seen the buzz around here or read my last reblogged post, you already know about the experiment by the lovely and talented Jessie Janelle Reyna and her noun experiment. Today’s noun is “bacon”. Brought to you by the letter “B”.
I grew up with parents who ate extremely healthily(ish) so we never had bacon in the house.
(Unless it was Canadian bacon. Which bothered me. No offense, Canada. It’s just that your bacon kinda sucks.)
So now that I’m a “grownup”, I have bacon all the time. But contrary to popular belief, there can be such a thing as too much bacon, and I’m living it. My boyfriend (Alessandro) shares many commonalities with Ron Swanson: the mustache, the stubborn nonsense, and a love for bacon that rivals his love for me.
Bacon is in pretty much everything I eat because Alessandro uses bacon and bacon fat like other people use oil or salt. The other day I came into the kitchen and frying in the pan was the largest piece of bacon I’ve ever seen. About a foot long, 4 inches thick and 4 inches deep. (I should’ve taken a picture.)
My house is like this:
It’s scary. And often smells. It’s gotten to the point where I get nauseous if I smell pork cooking.
But that doesn’t matter. Because bacon is like crack so I eat it anyway.
Well, that’s all for me. Check out the crew of “Turn Noun For What?!” and read more about bacon and stuff.
(A complex man with complex thoughts and a sage-like wisdom, Kenneth Powers provides laughter to all and guidance to many.)
If you haven’t already seen one of the greatest television programs known to man, a.k.a. “Eastbound & Down“, you should stop what you’re doing immediately and run to your nearest HBO provider.
For those of you who don’t know the story, it’s about a dude who became a huge baseball star after high school and then pissed his success away with drugs, ladies, and alcohol. “Several shitty years later”, he returns to his hometown, down on his luck.
“But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my ass ain’t no pussy. My ass is a fucking champion.“
Through his life and his audio book, Kenny Powers shows us how to live…
1. Confidence is key.
“Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.”
2. Race is just a label.
“Honestly, I can’t even believe that you would look at me and the word ‘gringo’ would even come to mind. Does it make your life easier just to throw a quick racist term at somebody? A man who has seen the things I have seen, experienced the loss and pain that I’ve experienced. I transcend race, hombre.”
3. Work hard, play harder.
4. The Yukon Denali XL is man’s greatest vehicular achievement.
“I got the glory. I get the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, fucking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg. Basically, all the shit that most men fantasize about.”
(Also, it’s my dream car. If this writing thing ever goes anywhere, I’m getting one.)
5. Take a break from technology and live your life.
6. Making money is important.
“The amount of money I’m gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’m going to be doing every, single night. Dollar, dollar bills, y’all.”
7. You don’t have to be a Crossfit/P90x/gym-rat.
(I think this is even a meme now.)
8. Examine your weaknesses as well as your strengths.
“In Mexico, a man can truly get lost. And, if you’re a bank robber, or maybe someone who’s committed a fucked up, crazy crime, then that’s a good thing. But hiding takes it’s toll. At first you don’t realize it but, soon the identity that you tried to shed starts getting pissed and knocking at your insides. You know, when dealing with deep depression and sad shit, it’s cool to pretend like nothing is wrong. That, sometimes, works. But, eventually, you got to call a goddamn spade a spade and be like , ‘Yo, I’m fucked up and I got to make a change.'”
9. People will be dicks, but you don’t have to like everybody.
“You don’t like me? Well you’re the one with a fucking disability. It should be me not liking you, and yet I accept you. And you do this to me? Man, fuck you, you midget. I’m taking the fucking cocks.”
10. Things eventually get better.
“Chapter 10: Making the world your bitch. Once again, I’m with the hottest chick in town, buying the most expensive fashions, dining in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddam jet-skis, raining trim, hallucinogens, jet-skis again, throwing heat and getting laid. Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?”
There you have it. The wisdom of Kenny Powers. All of us could stand to take a lesson from this great man.
“So in closing, I’d like to give big ups to God, Buddha, L. Ron, whoever. Hell, maybe I just need to thank me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all my adventures and conquests is that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great. I just am great. I’m not trying to sound cocky, or full of myself. But, Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way, he will always be great. Because that’s just the way shit works sometimes.”