Coming Hungover Into 2015: Happy(ish) New Year, Everybody.

(I was supposed to post this earlier this morning but I died yesterday around 2:00am and finally had to kick my ass out of bed. Because that’s how much I care.)

I might be dead right now. I’m not completely sure.

I decided to make Long Island Iced Teas on New Year’s Eve, but with really cheap alcohol and barely any Coke. (Also I forgot the Triple Sec, but in all honesty, I have no clue what that is anyway.)

Everything here was around $10, except for the Bacardi because I can't resist a bargain.
Everything here was around $10, except for the Bacardi because I can’t resist the half-gallon.

One thing that really pissed me off though was that stupid bottle of 1800 tequila. It has a cork-thing as a top and after struggling with it for about 200 years, it popped open and covered me in stinky fucking tequila. I almost barfed right there because I forgot how that is the smell of being disgustingly hungover.

Originally, I’d bought all this alcohol for a group of friends to have over that night. I spent all day meticulously cleaning my apartment (I found so much stuff Alessandro and I lost over the past 8 months, it was scary), and busting my ass to make nice food and bullshit, but of course my friends are total dicks and didn’t come.

Too afraid of D.U.I.’s or whatever… bitches.

Anyways, I thought about how I never really make New Year’s resolutions but if I’m going to start, they’re gonna be things that I TRULY wanna do so that I actually do them. None of this “lose weight, volunteer, stop beating your wife” bullshit. Real resolutions.

My 2015 Resolutions:

1. “Kill people, burn shit, fuck school.”

Cause that’s what Tyler the Creator says and, frankly, I have to agree.

2. Start smoking everywhere I want, no matter how inappropriate or not-allowed.

For example, the children’s ward at the hospital, church, maybe even in a bar.

Kim Jong-Un is smoking inside a hospital because he knows what he wants out of life.
Kim Jong-Un is smoking inside a hospital because he knows what he wants out of life.

3. Take Eminem’s advice on EVERYTHING.

(But like 2000-era Eminem. Not him today. He went soft.)

Eminem advice gif

4. Live every day like it’s the first 30 minutes of “Intervention”.

Before they actually give the intervention.

5. See how long I can go without taking a shower.

My current record is like 5 days. You’d be amazed how little others notice about your hygeine.

Well, that’s it. Remember that you can enter the contest here: Rafflecopter.com (or comment on this post) and win a $25 gift card to these places. Good luck and Happy New Year/Funny Blog Friday!!!

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Check Out The Crew:

Victoria of Angst Anarchy

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

Jessie of Jessie Reyna & Jessie Janelle Reyna

HE Ellis of HE Ellis

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Gina of Endearingly Wacko

Eric of Opticynicism

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Alice of Alice At Wonderland

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JCS Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up Here

Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

Arthur of Pouring My Art Out

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WHAT’S UP, BITCHES?!?! It’s That Time Again… More Comedy, More Free Shit!!

(It’s another giveaway, and another Funny Blog Friday event!! You should be stoked. Let’s win some more gift cards, people!!!)

Well hello again, my friends. I’m giving away more money. And featuring more guest posts on my site. (If you’re down to submit a post, email me at alannabelike@gmail.com).

(If you just want the money, tune in on Friday.)

The only difference this time is that I want to hear your New Year’s Resolutions!!

New Year Resolutions

I don’t care how crass, how personal, or how insignificant. I just wanna reblog your posts with your resolutions.

I also wanna give you gift cards from Amazon.com (Pick Your Poison)

Aditionally, there will be the raffle from rafflecopter.com

It’s really not that difficult. 

Also visit the other “Funny Blog Friday” Folks here:

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Victoria of Angst Anarchy

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

Jessie of Jessie Reyna

HE Ellis of HE Ellis

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Gina of Endearingly Wacko

Eric of Opticynicism

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Alice of Alice At Wonderland

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JCS Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up Here

Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

Arthur of Pouring My Art Out

Keep on keeping on, and get reading for January 2nd, 2015 because we are bringing in the New Year in the most hilarious ways possible.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

Everybody Loves Comedy And Free Shit. Get Yours Here!

(Seriously, folks. Tell your friends. Get hyped. There are gift cards at stake!!)

Okay, so in honor of next week’s first official Funny Blog Friday #FBF (which you can read about here), I’m hosting a little competition. Basically, you can submit a great post to me, new or old, that I will post on my blog next Friday (October 31st) when there will be a lot of traffic.

(We’re pretty much starting a social media movement. Like Live Aid but better.)

My favorite submissions will be posted here and the best post will be featured and that person will get a $25 gift card to their choice of these establishments. (Only because they’re the only gift cards on Amazon that can be delivered virtually.) Then, next Friday, there will also be a lottery for another gift card for anyone who comments on my post that day. Even if it’s just, “I wanna be in the prize pool. Peace out.” Or even, “Blughkfaekaaeecxg.” The sky is the limit. 

Although you must comment on MY post on MY site. The other participants are also doing giveaways so I won’t be able to see if you post elsewhere. If you don’t have a blog, you can email me that day and still be included.

Now to the contest at hand…

Pick/write your favorite post that you think the world needs to see and email it to me. This part is crucial. YOU MUST EMAIL ME. You can also include a description of your blog and a bit about yourself in the post and/or email. Remember to sign your name and a link to your blog so people can find you. You can use pictures, videos, whatever. I will not edit your post at all, so you have to proofread it yourself, and you can be confident that I won’t add anything to your beautiful work. HOWEVER, I’m all about free speech, but I WILL NOT POST AND RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, SEXIST, OR ANY TRULY OFFENSIVE STUFF. Leave that noise on your own blog. I just won’t allow it on mine. Your post can be about anything at all (other than the aforementioned “-isms”), so go crazy. If you have any questions, you can totally email me or comment on any of my posts. You should add my email to your contacts list so it doesn’t get spammed.

MY EMAIL: alannabelike@gmail.com

A L A N N A B E L I K E @ G M A I L (dot) C O M

If for whatever reason you can’t email me there, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.

Here’s the list of gift card places to choose from in case you can’t see the above link:

Aeropostale
AMC Theatres
American Eagle
Applebee’s
Aurelio’s Pizza
Bass Pro Shops
Beaches Restaurant & Bar
Black Angus
Border
Boudreaux’s Cajun Kitchen
Brinker
Buca di Beppo
Buffalo Wild Wings
California Pizza Kitchen
Cattleman’s Roadhouse
Chili’s Grill & Bar
Cold Stone Creamery
Cracker Barrel
Dickey’s Barbecue
Dilly’s Deli
Domino’s Pizza
Express
Forever 21
Ghirardelli
Gordmans
Grinders Above & Beyond
IHOP
K&W Cafeterias
La Madeleine
Legal Sea Foods
Logan’s Roadhouse
Macaroni Grill
Maggiano’s
Monkey Burger
Mr. Chicken
OfficeMax
PacSun
Panda Express
Papa John’s Pizza
Petco
Red Robin
Sephora
Si Senor
Spafinder Wellness 365
Sports Authority
Sur La Table
Texas De Brazil
Texas Roadhouse
The Cheesecake Factory
The Container Store
Uncle Julio’s

So get writing, people! $25 is on the line!!

(Contest ends by Thursday at 11:59pm Eastern Time. But probably more like 2:00 or 3:00am Friday because I’ll be handing out candy and drinking.)