Funny Blog Friday!! #FBF

(I know you’re all just dying to see who won the “Guest Post Contest”, but you’ll have to scroll down for that. Also, if you stay around long enough to read this post, there’s another giveaway to be had. Stay tuned…)

Hellooo and welcome to the first annual (or rather, weekly) Funny Blog Friday!!! Hashtag “FBF”. Hashtag “badass”. Hashtag “laugh your hash off”. This Blog Hop consists of pretty much the greatest people on earth. You should all go visit their blogs because they’re amazing and that’s kind of the whole point of this.

And to make you laugh.

And they’re giving away prizes, too. Get it while it’s hot, y’all.

Funny Bloggers:

Victoria of Angst Anarchy

Jamie of Fits of Wit

H.E. Ellis of H.E. Ellis 

Jessie of Jessie Reyna & Jessie Janelle Reyna

Alice of Alice at Wonderland

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JCS Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up Here

Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

Arthur from Pouring My Art Out

Go to these people’s blogs, do what they tell you to do (they’re calling from inside the house), and get free shit because this is America (depending where you’re standing) and in this country we give people prizes for existing. Seriously, it’s not that hard. In fact, I have yet another giveaway today for anyone who follows the rules on this link:

I’M GIVING AWAY MORE GIFT CARDS SO CLICK THIS RIGHT NOW.

Oh, and by the way…

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, MOTHA FUCKAASS!!!

Aren’t you hyped? Because if not, you should be. Halloween is awesome; candy, costumes, dickheaded teenagers running around in black hoodies and making fun of us for being adults… I love this holiday. Also, I might be in my local paper in the coming days because last night was Trick-or-Treat night in my town and some reporter took some pictures of me in my all-out Bride of Frankenstein gear.

Or he may have just been a pervert. Either way, I’m calling it a win.

This is Alessandro and I as Dr. Frankenstein and his wife. Note how the black and white really brings out the antique effect, despite the fact we're using a webcam...
This is Alessandro and I as Dr. Frankenstein and his bride. Note how the black and white really brings out the antique effect, despite the fact we’re using a webcam…
I also tried to recreate the original movie picture, but then I realized my large nose just would not have that. It longs to be heard.
I also tried to recreate the original movie picture, but then I realized my large nose just would not have that. It longs to be heard.
And these were my oh-so-classy stripper shoes that make me 6 feet tall (we measured for accuracy). They're super fun to walk in, too...
And these were my oh-so-classy stripper shoes that make me 6 feet tall (we measured for accuracy). They’re super fun to walk in, too…

I don’t know how many of you are 6 feet tall and above, but fun fact: it fucking rocks. You totally get to tower over everybody and feel like an Amazon queen. (Or Amazon king if you’re a guy… but perhaps not because I’m not sure Amazonian kings existed. But then I always wonder what happened to baby boys born to Amazon women. Do they just do that Spartan thing where they’d throw them off a cliff? Or do they get sent away to Amazonian boarding school because nobody in Amazon-Land wants to raise a male? Also, who impregnates these women? Is there a tribe of super-men who come around every year to bust a nut in some tall warrior ladies? So many questions…)

Anyways, I digress. Another fun fact: without my wig, I totally look like the Joker. Imagine all this makeup with bright red hair.

My face doesn't just look white. I'm caked in WHITE ASS MAKEUP. Like white. I can't stress that enough.
My face doesn’t just look white. I’m caked in WHITE ASS MAKEUP. Like white. I can’t stress that enough.

It was really fun putting all this crap on my face and especially drawing the scars. I used those cheap Party City costume makeup crayons and it still stinks like wax up in this place. Some little kids didn’t wanna come up to my porch because they were scared of me. But that’s okay because apparently, parents don’t teach their children to say “Thank you” anymore so kids just give me a “Fuck-You-Where’s-My-Candy”-stare and hold out their tiny little hands. Then I’m expected to compliment their shitty costumes, give them candy, and tell them they’re cute and to have a “Happy Halloween” just because I’m an adult?!? Well, fuck that noise. Your kids can get razor-blade chocolate for all I care. I don’t give people compliments unless I truly mean them and, quite frankly, their costumes are lame. I wasn’t even drinking last night (at least not a lot), and I still managed to smile at tiny jerkoffs who thought that I was a witch or Morticia Addams. Just because the real Bride of Frankenstein wig was too small for my gangster-size head (that’s an “8” in fitted caps for those of you who don’t know) and I had to reappropriate an Amy Winehouse wig (which I did fantastically), doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be stupid. I will say that wigs are incredibly fun, however.

(I secretly wanna go around wearing different colored wigs, pretending to be someone else. People will be like, “Alanna? Is that you?” and I’ll reply, “I have no idea who you’re talking about, my name is Avada Cadabra. Good day.” And just walk off into the sunset.)

Oh, by the way, why did nobody tell me there are zillions of makeup tutorial videos on YouTube??! All this time, I’m walking around looking like a person who taught herself how to apply makeup (which I did), practically looking like Janis Joplin, wondering why all these other girls came to class or the store or the fucking laundromat with professional-looking makeup. All these years feeling bad about myself for not looking like the girls on PLL when in fact it’s really super easy and all you have to do is watch some random girl put on makeup while she videotapes herself!!!

I blame you all for my ignorance.

But I forgive you because now it’s time to announce the winner of my “Guest Post Competition”…

(Hello, drumroll?)

(Also, this isn’t the winner of the other giveaway, just the one you should know about if you’ve been reading my blog the past week.)

…..

..

.

(Pissed yet?)

.

Well, let me preface this by saying that it was really difficult to pick a winner because everyone’s posts were excellent and funny and different. I thought about giving out more gift cards on multiple occasions, but unfortunately, I’m not rich like that. I’m sorry to those of you who submitted but didn’t win. Remember you can still win a gift card by doing today’s giveaway. You’re all still amazing, but just like the Highlander, there can only be one.

The only problem is that (unlike today’s contest), I chose the winner myself and of course personal biases came into play. I tried to make a pro’s and con’s list. Without divulging what are “pro’s” and what are “con’s”, my lists included such gems as “‘Billy Madison’ reference”, or “My personal opinion possibly skewed by obvious attraction to writer”, or “Poop jokes :)”.

So, basically, after long and careful deliberation, Underdaddy is the winner with his post entitled “Tampon Anonymous“.

Congratulations!

Please be sure to read and visit the blogs of everyone who posted (there’s only 10 so it’s not that hard), and give them your love. They all deserve it for being awesome and as far as I’m concerned, they’re all on my list of funny people. They totally deserve some snaps.

For anyone else who wants to win stuff too, comment here and you’ll be automatically in the running for another $25 gift certificate to the place of your choosing (at least from this list). So comment, people!! And visit the folks for “Funny Blog Friday”!! Happy Halloween, everybody!! And have a very funny Friday! :)

MUNSTERRS

Everybody Loves Comedy And Free Shit. Get Yours Here!

(Seriously, folks. Tell your friends. Get hyped. There are gift cards at stake!!)

Okay, so in honor of next week’s first official Funny Blog Friday #FBF (which you can read about here), I’m hosting a little competition. Basically, you can submit a great post to me, new or old, that I will post on my blog next Friday (October 31st) when there will be a lot of traffic.

(We’re pretty much starting a social media movement. Like Live Aid but better.)

My favorite submissions will be posted here and the best post will be featured and that person will get a $25 gift card to their choice of these establishments. (Only because they’re the only gift cards on Amazon that can be delivered virtually.) Then, next Friday, there will also be a lottery for another gift card for anyone who comments on my post that day. Even if it’s just, “I wanna be in the prize pool. Peace out.” Or even, “Blughkfaekaaeecxg.” The sky is the limit. 

Although you must comment on MY post on MY site. The other participants are also doing giveaways so I won’t be able to see if you post elsewhere. If you don’t have a blog, you can email me that day and still be included.

Now to the contest at hand…

Pick/write your favorite post that you think the world needs to see and email it to me. This part is crucial. YOU MUST EMAIL ME. You can also include a description of your blog and a bit about yourself in the post and/or email. Remember to sign your name and a link to your blog so people can find you. You can use pictures, videos, whatever. I will not edit your post at all, so you have to proofread it yourself, and you can be confident that I won’t add anything to your beautiful work. HOWEVER, I’m all about free speech, but I WILL NOT POST AND RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, SEXIST, OR ANY TRULY OFFENSIVE STUFF. Leave that noise on your own blog. I just won’t allow it on mine. Your post can be about anything at all (other than the aforementioned “-isms”), so go crazy. If you have any questions, you can totally email me or comment on any of my posts. You should add my email to your contacts list so it doesn’t get spammed.

MY EMAIL: alannabelike@gmail.com

A L A N N A B E L I K E @ G M A I L (dot) C O M

If for whatever reason you can’t email me there, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.

Here’s the list of gift card places to choose from in case you can’t see the above link:

Aeropostale
AMC Theatres
American Eagle
Applebee’s
Aurelio’s Pizza
Bass Pro Shops
Beaches Restaurant & Bar
Black Angus
Border
Boudreaux’s Cajun Kitchen
Brinker
Buca di Beppo
Buffalo Wild Wings
California Pizza Kitchen
Cattleman’s Roadhouse
Chili’s Grill & Bar
Cold Stone Creamery
Cracker Barrel
Dickey’s Barbecue
Dilly’s Deli
Domino’s Pizza
Express
Forever 21
Ghirardelli
Gordmans
Grinders Above & Beyond
IHOP
K&W Cafeterias
La Madeleine
Legal Sea Foods
Logan’s Roadhouse
Macaroni Grill
Maggiano’s
Monkey Burger
Mr. Chicken
OfficeMax
PacSun
Panda Express
Papa John’s Pizza
Petco
Red Robin
Sephora
Si Senor
Spafinder Wellness 365
Sports Authority
Sur La Table
Texas De Brazil
Texas Roadhouse
The Cheesecake Factory
The Container Store
Uncle Julio’s

So get writing, people! $25 is on the line!!

(Contest ends by Thursday at 11:59pm Eastern Time. But probably more like 2:00 or 3:00am Friday because I’ll be handing out candy and drinking.)

Funny Bloggers Wanted! #FBF

Angst Anarchy

FUNNY BLOGGERS: WE WANT YOU!!! Are you a funny blogger?  Do you know a funny blogger?  Do you read someone who’s hilarious, sarcastic, inventive, crazy or inspired in their madness?  Send them our way!! Or if you’ve self-declared, We want YOU!  SEND OUT THE WORRRDDDD!!

A few of us bloggers (who have deemed each other funny) are going to participate in a Funny Blog Friday (#FBF) blog hop on Friday October 31. There’ll be prizes and of course a boat-load of funny blogs for your reading pleasure.

Why not make Friday even better than it normally is with a few funny insightful sarcastic bloggers poking fun at the world or themselves?

Additionally, we’ll be attempting to make every Friday funny on Twitter with the hashtags: #FBF and #FunnyBlogFriday

If you want to join and be added to the list please email me: victoria (at) angstanarchy (dot) com

These are the…

View original post 53 more words