If I Ruled The World… Every Day Would Be Halloween, The 4th Of July, And Shark Week.

(Because you’d get to dress up in costumes, drink beer and set off fireworks, and also because I don’t believe that knowledge of sharks should be limited to only one week… they are an ever-present danger.)

My mind is rather akin to that of a child’s, and therefore I like to imagine impossible scenarios that usually involve me as a super-famous rock star/actress/writer or as dictator of the world. I would be an excellent dictator, just so you know, and you would all love me. 

Everyone would have to hang this on their walls so you'd know that I'm serious about the law. (Not that fashion company.)
Everyone would have to hang this on their walls so you’d know that I’m serious about the law. (Not to be mistaken with that fashion company.)

There are quite a few things I’d do as Dictator of the World. Like eliminate almost all taxes, for example. I’d cut the government down to nothing and do this whole private-sector-rate-deduction-and-hiring-incentive-thing that I don’t feel like explaining right now. Also, I’d make it so that you could buy beer and liquor at every single proprietor, and make parking tickets illegal.

Because this is my real life.
Because this is my real life.

So, as Dictator, my “Dictatorial Cabinet” (or whatever you’d call that) would be as follows:

Ronald Reagan would be brought back to life and serve as my Vice President.

Morgan Freeman would be Secretary of State because he could convince anybody anything just by talking (also he might be God).

Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson would be Secretary of Treasury since he knows how to get that skrilla.

Jason Statham would be Secretary of Defense and Homeland Security because he could definitely kick everyone’s asses BY HIMSELF.

Larry David would be Secretary of Comedy and Czar of Nonsensical Rules. (I feel like I would need this, given my unorthodox ruling style.)

Anything else is to be determined. Things would be changed, but the Shark Week thing is forreal. Also, I wouldn’t let the NSA creep on anyone, so you’re welcome in advance.


What would you do?