The Unabridged Life of Alanna

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was trapped in a tower by a tyrannical king and a nasty old witch…

Sort of.  

Replace “tower” with “suburban pre-fab” and “tyrannical king” with “angry, Irish father”. Everything else can stay.

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Anyways, I was born in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania (a.k.a. “the trap”. Seriously, read On the Road by Jack Kerouac. He mentions how shitty it was). My parents were like 40 when I came around, so they’ve been old forever as far as I’m concerned. I went to Catholic school for a million years where I learned that “talking back” meant “responding to a question” and that 3 inches of skirt-length equals 10 feet in real life. Also that all dogs do not in fact go to heaven.

My high school was in the city, right down the block from section 8 housing, and I got my car keyed a lot. Luckily I only drove a ’98 Mercury Tracer (you probably don’t even know what that is). My parents divorced when I was 13, which was great for me because my dad traveled all the time, but bad for my mother’s boyfriend (i.e. my “stepfather”) because I made his life miserable.

I was a very creative child, and that translated to my pranking abilities.

After I graduated from a place that most people assumed was a jail, I went to Penn State Harrisburg and proceeded to dick around for a few years and only earn like 30 credits. I am currently dicking around there as we speak. Or write. I guess you’d be reading this so… yeah.

If you’re still reading this, good for you! I would’ve stopped by now. Although I was amazing and never a problem, I quite frequently angered my parents by engaging in what I’m told to believe were “illegal” activities and also showcasing my brilliant wit.

WHOAH. I totally just got sidetracked because I saw what I’m about to write my next post about.


Regardless, I love to read, write, and do art (which I’ll occasionally show on here) and I’ve been keeping journals since I was about 6, so I decided I would start a blog and share my experiences with the world (you guys)!

I really hope you like this, and thank you for reading this! I love you alllll! <3 <3


Your Friend,

Alanna :)

Check me out on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Google +


9 thoughts on “The Unabridged Life of Alanna”

  1. We’re twins separated at birth and time and like…state and such. HA!! I too kept immense collections of journals, also religious family, also CATS! Also a general dicking around at college which resulted in an unhelpful english major. also I just commented on your blog like 70 billion times, so thus I am sorry. also I’m old. Not really but I am into the 30’s. Stop being young. It’s offensive to me. but otherwise you’re awesome. And I followed you on the tweeter just for fun. And blogging is the bomb diggity. And you can’t possible know about partying like ’99. Leave that to the pro’s who were there but not of legal drinking age. Nevermind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How cool!! It’s always fun to meet others from PA :) But man, it’s been so long since I’ve had a Hanover Pretzel. Auntie Anne’s has a kind of monopoly on the pretzel business around here. If it’s soaked in butter and salt and easily obtained from the mall, it’s a hit in Harrisburg lol


  2. You went and done it. You went and followed Uncle Bardie’s Stories & Such. You are now one of Uncle Bardie’s Band of Merry Followers. Just so you know, Uncle Bardie’s a hoot, and he’s got quite a few whoppers in his bag of stories. Some funny, some not so funny. But all told for your entertainment. Thank you for following his blog.

    Liked by 1 person


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